Between happy and sad

I can either be happy and weak or strong and sad. I think I choose happy and weak. It’s a rare thing to be happy. But maybe if I act weak all the time happiness will come get me to take me on a ride. The things that were revealed to me or that I’ve seen couldn’t be told to a normal emotional man. They would go mad. They couldn’t absorb it. No way. But I was made this way from childhood and then around age 22 I lead into my experiences. They’re even scary to talk about. Maybe I shouldn’t talk about my past. Children stay with you even if you’re weird. They don’t question stuff as much. They’re neat. I love little kids who are well behaved and smart.