I feel too good

It’s scaring me. I have never been comfortable with feeling good... I have always been kept down due to that being my comfort zone. It’s like there now lives a demon inside my head that I have to earn the respect of. It sucks because he is a part of me and still disrespects me most of the time I’m breathing. It’s triggered by even my sister. And I live with her. Talk about suicidal shit havin to face. But in actuality she loves me respects me cares about me. 

It’s still scary none the less. After testing my brother in law a bit and seeing how he is doing emotionally I can feel at ease now. I think I have always wanted my own place but refuse to work for it and just want things to be handed to me. First world virus. Wasted opportunities that I never would have had in Pakistan. It’s sad really. I spend all my day in enjoyment. And refuse to work whatsoever. Even if it means having to go and walk up to someone to strike a conversation. I absolutely refuse.