Do I deserve it?

Do I deserve something is what my mind triggers and says but I’m realizing that it’s much more about do I want it. It sucks not knowing what I want, but I also cannot burden others with trying to fulfill my wishes without me speaking of them. I must act without goals, I must sometimes even ramble without goals like meklin used to do. I need to somehow awake my inner dormant adult self and take over this childish cultist whim mentality that has apparently decided my  future and mentality. Unable to change I struggle to find defeat even because at least it’ll be a guarantee feeling. One that’s always there for me. The feeling of miserableness.

Negative! Sorry too much negativity too fast. I meant to just point out that we should focus on whether we want it or not instead of thinking if we deserve it