i once used to walk the roads empty at night alone by the light

Looking for God. Any sign of pleasure and pure truth at once. Longing for God. Any sign of God anywhere pure and simple. I once met the devil in my search. Posit he did. Accept did I. Dance did we. Fall did I. He let me go. God wouldn't do that. But God isn't here he says. Only dark evil soulless robots running this joint he says. Make love to me he says. Disgusting is he. Rejected is he. Dance did I. However more. Sometimes you have to trust yourself said he. I lost my confidence to a piece of invisible ink. I think it was invisible. It didn't exist much. It dug so deep whatever it was written on.

Do I deserve it?

Do I deserve something is what my mind triggers and says but I’m realizing that it’s much more about do I want it. It sucks not knowing what I want, but I also cannot burden others with trying to fulfill my wishes without me speaking of them. I must act without goals, I must sometimes even ramble without goals like meklin used to do. I need to somehow awake my inner dormant adult self and take over this childish cultist whim mentality that has apparently decided my  future and mentality. Unable to change I struggle to find defeat even because at least it’ll be a guarantee feeling. One that’s always there for me. The feeling of miserableness.

Negative! Sorry too much negativity too fast. I meant to just point out that we should focus on whether we want it or not instead of thinking if we deserve it

I feel great

Got a soda by my side a cig in my fingers a good headset on my ears just sittin with my feet together relaxing chillaxing just enjoying the rhythm of the night