My subconscious is THE pandora's box

zane woofer froggyTrex I ALWAYS START OUT DOING SOMETHING AND THEN GET SAD I DIDN'T GET TO DO ANOTHER THING I have 2 days to come up with a new brand for myself. Typing isn't easy to do sober, and without a purpose. But I do have a purpose in my mind this time. I don't think I like pressing Enter so much. I think I am pretty invincible with the right drugs. Being untouchable has its drawbacks. I scold innocent prospective girls. I scold innocent prospective boys. I like to think of myself as a pragmatic preacher. I don't know what pragmatic means, but I am stern and harsh. I am very soft in the things I am not deliberate about. Reading my own typed words makes me have delusions of sleep. I think anyone reading this right now would be bored. But boredom doesn't come without its prizes. Boredom and prizes are closely related. Even being too victorious has its defeats. I notice everyone copying me as though they all have trojan access to my PC. It makes me think delusional thoughts as those come easy for a single man who has experienced sex at a very young age. Early age sounds like high school, young age sounds like pre school. I think all the words and all their sounds have meaning. Only in poetry and love do these meanings have a confinement though. My shoulders are so heavy I could outweigh a pickup truck. I would like some money for doing nothing, but doing so will also make me produce nothing of value. Value has to come from value. I think valve was created on the word value. Half-life was created on the debauchery of 50%. All rappers create their life and meaning around lies and deceit. I doubt they can enjoy the money they make without a tied down will. They can flaunt their money to be unknownst's but those that know them, they will always stay poor in their eyes. Poverty comes from poverty. My father has resorted back to his poverty ways. My mother has resorted back to her evil-genius level good feels. I think the world isn't evil, but the people sure do have a free will. I hate ketamine. I've never done ketamine but I've known someone who died from it and as that, I hate its behavior. I'm scared of lights. I'm scared of claiming god. I'm scared of claiming too powerful. I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of things beyond my control. I am irrational. I feel anxious that I have no partner in life. I feel restless that I have no partner in life. I feel hopeless that I have no partner in life. I find notepad++ a great tool. I find my thoughts to be clarifying of the anonymously tedious functions of my spiritual brain. I don't think my brain has many distortions as compared to the rest of the people in this world. I find unreasonable things produced out of my family members all the time. My sister is probably the most sane. Although she has done insane things to achieve this. I think my brother is very insane. I think I am very insane in the behavior I possess, but my thoughts stay contend during that. I am a walking irrationality. My armpits sweat and stink of the medicine I have been taking. Medicine is usually very weak and doesn't have many effects that are noticeable in my behavior. I've had to take some very life threatening and debilitating drugs in order to perceive the reality I possess now. I don't believe in true love. I believe in true love being real, but I don't support it as though it's some holy grail. One party always is losing, and is fighting an uphill battle, clinging on to their partner for dear life. I think true love is a fictional facade. I just want to relax and write. Is that so much to ask for in this predictably fatal life? Having an audience loses its potency in ability to write. I feel clear headed right now, but if I were in the ezcapechat chatroom, I would lose potency. It seems marijuana helps me clear my head of all the buzzing attention, soak in the positive attention, and leave the rest to God. I feel medicated and spiritual with marijuana. I could write love songs on marijuana. I could do a lot of things on marijuana. But the funding has to be meaningful. If I just take marijuana given to me by the dispensary based on parents' hard earned money... I want to know what my parents are about before I can use that marijuana spiritually and energetically. Or else it just makes me lethargic and leaves room for abundance laziness. I wish a government research project would just locate my words and find me already. And use me for the greater good of mankind by providing me with money earned by villages without water. My nature is bread for true evil. Yet I am forced to abstain from marijuana and other substances not provided by my immediate doctor. Doctors seem helpless in their endeavors. They try to find good in nothing. The human eye is fascinating. It's ability to focus is incredible. I feel inhuman when I have contact lenses on my eyeballs. It feels as though I'm limiting my vision to the human version, and losing spiritual value. I do feel a bit calmer after writing these thoughts down. I'm not sure if it's the vistaril taking effect or not, but I feel more grounded 7 minutes or so after beginning writing. Mentioning I am feeling calmer has the opposite effect, I am immediately shot back into outer space of paranoia and anxiety. I wonder how many innocent souls I have harmed during my days on various medications. I don't blame doctors. I don't blame myself. I blame the means on which this world was built. It's as though god helped me become evil. And the quranic verse of "And we increase them in their evil" (paraphrased) seems to be stuck on repeat. Creativity seems to have an agenda. It's either to raise awareness, raise chaos, or raise something else. But creativity without purpose doesn't seem to exist. I've never seen anybody with any knowledge try to act creative in a manner that isn't befitting to existing categories. I'm not saying all creativity is borderline boredom having fun, or that Einstein quote "Creativity is intelligence having fun." Rather, I'm saying creativity is always with a purpose. Only children get to experience creativity without a purpose. I was a child when I had sex. I was creative without a purpose in that time. I got to experience sex and the physiological and spiritual and psychological effects all at once, without a purpose. I was truly kinged, knighted, made a servant of God, in the God-given magical eyes of spirituality, and much much more. I don't know where or why I was born. I don't know where or why I was headed in any direction. I don't know anything when I think of myself back in that time. But I did know it was forbidden. The door I was opening was forbidden is the only knowledge I had at the time. And I took those steps towards it. I, myself, without a physical force, walked into that door. I wasn't abused or raped as the world repeatedly wants me to believe and has me thinking all my life. Instead, they are scared and weak to admit the reality of what is going on. They are scared of me, and my ability to claim forbidden knowledge as a child, as a child without a purpose. If I truly am kinged, like I will be soon, after marriage... Who is to say I won't revert back to my original self? Nobody knows. As it stands, my weak points claim I am someone without a job, someone who uses illicit substances regularly, am someone who does not seem to respect any body (including myself, based on various PEOPLE's claims), nor do I respect my immediate creators - my parents. I don't respect anybody unless they earn their respect through the rightful ways. What do I see as right? Well that's a mystery that is locked in the pandora box that is my subconscious. It's a shame and all too bad and sad that the world won't have it any other way. I wish I could be told I am valuable and reliable and held reliable and relatable to very very poor in need people. Give me the money of a poor village, give me 20$ worth of marijuana on their behalf and tell me the tools they are working with. And I will come up with a solution that will help all of them. That is my promise to you, me, the devil, God, and the world. But nobody is willing to stake or go on a limb to make sure this reality gets a chance. That is the problem here. And it's a big and massive problem. I'm a scary monster because that's the door I opened when I was innocent. Now, nobody can blame me for this, and it's scary because I'm uncontrollable for that reason. I don't listen to rhyme or reason unless it comes from my own pandora box. I don't trust other people's boxes because they don't know the world and don't see the world and don't trust themselves and don't have the spiritual eyes that were awakened when their creativity was truly innocent. Only I have that. Only I have those eyes. It makes me able to relate to the devil in many ways. I didn't bow to the person/human that I was forced to make love to, or was given the oppurtunity to make love to. I did beckon to a god when I walked out of that prison (sex was an unknown activity that I did partake in bodily but not spiritually). All the energy of what sex does and opens and helps to see, was stored in my subconscious, suppressed by my emotional love for god. I was able to do something evil and still hold god and religion highly. That is the power I unlocked. Can you claim the same? No. Nobody else can. I am truly unique in this. There's a reason why I view names as such prized values and view people as such prized companions and see oppurtunities as something that have to be earned. There isn't a doubt in my mind that what was offered to me was out of the love God had for me and what God was willing to give me and what God wanted me to have. There and then. I've never wanted to have sex again outside of a wedlock because of these reasons. And that makes me truly gold. A gold pony boy. A go-get-it-well-done'er. Sure I am editing my thoughts a bit now, and going back to put in better created words, but they are true. And the edits I make only help them stand out more as the realistic true ideas. My pandora box is unscathed, untouched, unaltered, unmoved, unwilled, over seen, unprodded, unpoked, literally unscathed. And I am everything and more my pandora box stands for. Because it is mine. Mine mine mine. And I have made sure well enough everyone in the world realizes my pandora box stands on top. My subconscious is better than your subconscious is my motto. Does it lead me anywhere? Not really. Does it create for epic and outstanding entertainment? Well, yes. Undoubtedly. What color am I? I'm clearly not brown. My skin clearly does not disintegrate as soon as I'm called an Indian. I am considered a white person inside my own family/household. My dad has many times considered me white and called me a "gora," and my mother doesn't think different of me from a raceless being. Pakistanis and Indians do kind of have the monopoly on culture as different cultures, anyone with any color, or being inbetween the polar opposites of white and black skin tone, is able to relate to each other much easier. Latinos, Hispanics, Brown, Asian, are all able to relate better based on skin tone alone as compared to whites amongst each other (which are a major minority compared to the rest of the colored populations on this planet) and blacks amongst each other (which are not a major minority, but within the Americas they do seem to be). I like to identify myself as the white veiled grey offspring of a scientific experiment that I willingly partook in, knowing it was forbidden. Forbidden doesn't seem to have any negative connotation. Forbidden just means it is unprecedented. Especially to a six or seven year old child. Am I morbidly evil? Am I truly obtuse in my mind patterns? No. I am simply the child that walked through death, because it was offered when I didn't think too much about gravity and on the other side of it I realized I needed to beg for forgiveness because the greatness which has been bestowed upon me requires a toll that is never available on hand. It always is requiring more and more of a toll to unlock. And my pandora's box, mind you, seems to be limitless. I have tried and tried to unlock all of it all at once by getting super intoxicated or super into irrationality, or super into indulgence. But never does my pandora box seem to know a limit. It is truly mind bending what I am. Who I am. What I am. At the end of the day, I am simply a human that possesses the greatest of God-Like creatures' abilities, and the greates of Evil-Like creatures' abilities, both bottled snugly tight fitted into an endless oasis of a potion that was unbelievably man-made, have you. *Sigh*. I feel lighter now. I think I'll go chat now.

Telepathy is real

I have been using it freely for as long as I have been alive on the internet. And first the sinks were heavy and did not float properly but this new finish is uplifting in all sorts of ways. I've gotten people to join me in on telepathic endeavors and this has made for a discoverable post being made on here. I hope everyone loves life as much as this makes me enjoy life. I know you can see the sun as I post this because that's part of my sermon here and now. I do enjoy a good post just like any other person so come over to postology.ca and join the fun!