hermitvirgin4life : episode 1 (bored; logically)

Hi. My name is Haris Malik. And I’m bored of the world.

I can’t commit suicide because logically I was born without my choice and therefore it shouldn’t be my choice to get to decide to end it either. Maybe this is also tied to the religious aspect of my thinking, but either ways… I just don’t think I could commit suicide. It doesn’t seem right when I gather myself completely.

There are things I’ve wanted to do such as travel around the world, go to Europe, see the fast pace of life and look at people in awe and just travel throughout their daily routines in my imaginative mind and then stay in awe. Awe is what I would consider opposite of being bored. So, traveling would therefore certainly rid me of my boredom.
Although the boredom is all in all my perspective of the world, I think the world has the burden to excite me! Because I didn’t get to choose to be born, and therefore the world, or this pre-existing system that I was born into has to show me what all there is possible that can excite me. If I’m too manic right now, and that’s the excuse for why I can’t find anything exciting… This only proves my point that I am able to see things for what they are. And therefore there is nothing exciting happening in this world.

Relationships fail because everyone is selfish. We can choose to care and accompany one another and enjoy the “high” times out of the support for our emotionally attached ideas and thoughts, but in the end we are only selfish. That’s the sad reality of this world I truly believe so. I mean, especially when people say “people consider me very selfless, and I think I am a good person / am selfless!” this only proves my point because anytime someone says something along the lines of “No, I am not!” this is their attempt at trying to prove themselves. And when you are trying to prove yourself, it is because you yourself have a doubt in you existing the way you believe to be, and need to gain the approval of the people/world around you. So, therefore anyone self-claiming they are selfless is really selfishness in a cute and hideously embedded way.

I’ve tried to love someone, but really it’s just ignorance in an honest way. I think logically anytime my mind allows me to. Logic thinking is something I believe in. Love would be something I could have faith in, but I couldn’t believe in It because logically it wouldn’t conclude.

Faith vs Belief: Belief in something is something that is testable over and over and conventionally believable as long as someone is willing to listen. As long as they are willing to listen, they MUST believe in it… without being able to hold the power to deny it. On that level, if conventionally it is strong enough for everyone to happily agree, it is something that is believable.

Faith, on the other hand, is something people can nod to in awe and inspiration, but can’t actually place the thought in their mind on a fathomable scale. Nobody can in their right mind choose to believe in faith. Instead, I think we are driven to believe in faith because of how bogus this world seems at times. Bogus in the sense that it doesn’t make sense to believe in only what we believe in at the time.

To be continued when I have something more real to add.