i often spend time analyzing how other people think

then i pick and choose the best traits and keep those as part of my ever growing personality.

but it's not how i feel, it's just what i feel i should do. it's an endless struggle
I wonder how other people express themselves, because I feel I need to have an almost out of body experience
Just to express how sad I am sometimes.
I hate having to express myself.
But it is also what calms me down the most.
I hate being human
It sucks.
I wish I could just be like a djinn and float around
But then again they are more emo than us.
Ugh.

I should just be thankful for being so blessed.
But I must express my gratitude that is on a similar magnitude.

I kind of fundamentally don't understand what it means to be happy.
Or maybe I don't know how to be anything other than happy.
Not sure.
It's weird.
Wish I had a therapist or a licensed professional who could read all these notes and report back.
For free preferrably, as I have really nothing to give but time.
Time is money they say, but my whole life is really useless I feel.
That bitch.
She really fucked me up in the head.
Man it sucks.
Reeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Oh I seem normal right now.
As I read these lines, it almost seems like I have a real personality.
This is so relieving.
I'm going to celebrate.