My mind is a blank

A healthy blank. I have no job

No responsibilities really

Even a door slam scares me.

So my responsibilities lie elsewhere 

Where I am to keep safe at all times

And feel great about it

I’m getting better at filler blogging haha

I once had an image of what my personality is and

I was in awe myself

But I forgot it shortly after and still trying to 

Find it again.

Babies are playing soccer across where I sit, babies should not be playing soccer.

You need stamina to play soccer, 

Can’t be a messy baby.

There’s like two parents watching though 

So they’ll be okay I know

This seems like a bad journal entry boring and

Void of meaning but the reader sees more

Of what is actually going on and therefore

It probably is worthy.

Everyone has their burden and mine is purely mental. Physically I’m having a blast. Smoking my favorite cigarettes, enjoying time with family whenever I want, eat what I want, sleep when I want, brush my teeth when I want, use the bathroom when I want, shower when I want. Let’s focus on the good for now. Enjoy it while it lasts etc. I’m really good at my favorite video game; Csgo. It rocks. 

I love my life living with family doing nothing most days but just kickin it enjoying lounging. I honestly couldn’t ask for more. I’m programmed to just be unattainable. Maybe that’s why I’m alone. I get close to asking out to dinner or some food outing but then I get scared I’m gonna be bored and there’ll be no way out. I dunno how I will act, will I be too rushing, will I have to wait, will I be normal and just be bored each time she attempts to hit on me and then be like her teacher on how to live her life without having sex with her like I imagine I want to be with them.? Lol man I’m just funny. 

I live with family and love to live with family and love knowing what they’re doing all the time but I’m hesitant to hang out with them for once again fear of boredom taking over and then me being a party pooper for which I do not want to take the responsibility. Haha. 

I have nothing on me really but cigs phone lighter and clothes but I feel I am the most valuable person right now. It’s probably largely due to chill music. Sometimes once I talk and share it, it becomes less fun. Wonder why that is.