Why do people choose to be their best self around me?

It's really draining

Writing in my blog makes me able to read others' stories
it's like blogging is my medicine
And I need it as often as I can get it
But also taking safe breaks for healthy cigarette smoke
to enter into my lungs and damage the once healthy foundation
healhy healthy.

People should just be their worst self around me so
I can treat them accordingly
Because I already am my worst self at all times
It would just be better
For them to pin all their pain into me
And then again I would test my limits

If I really would commit suicide with their pain added onto mine

Or is demons a real thing
To where our demons don't allow this type of pain transference to occur?
I mean what else is it?
Is it just a simple emotional barrier?
I thought people couldn't read our thoughts?
If they can feel how we are emotionally feeling at all times,
Then what difference is it if they can read my thoughts?
I feel how I think.
At all times.
I'm such a lost cause of a movie reel
Ugh.
Enjoy it while it lasts?
No you don't understand... It is not pleasurable to be disconnected to reality.
However that came out.
I think it's unreasonable to think anything in life would make me disconnected to reality
In a negative way.
I really think it impossible now.
All the worst I have already seen.
I applauded a little iraqi boy crying at his broken home and father killed in a bombing
I felt like I could relate.
He had a big screaming mouth on him
His rage was real
I think I could do with him being by my side.
Reflect thoughts with him.
See how funny he really is in face of adversity.

Heavy out.
Lol the heaviness lasted a second.